Before you can catch a culprit, you need to understand the evidence. Our lab has studied the facts (from real science, not from Dad) to bring you the complete journey of a fart, from first bite to final squeak.
A fart is just gas leaving your intestines, the long tubes that carry food through your body. Here's how it gets there.
Hold your nose… actually, you don't need to. Over 99% of a fart doesn't smell at all.
In healthy people, about three-quarters of a fart is gas made inside the gut. The rest came in from outside.
They all contain sulfur. Eating lots of protein-rich food can make farts smellier.
When gas squeezes out, the muscles and skin at the exit wobble, a lot like the vocal cords in your throat. That wobble is the sound.
Three things set the note: how much gas there is, how tight the exit is, and how fast the gas is moving. Change any one of them and the sound changes, anywhere from a squeak to a rumble.
Less gas, less speed and a more relaxed exit all mean less wobble, and less wobble means less noise. That's how some farts sneak out with barely a peep. (Detectives hate these.)
What you eat matters most. Some foods have sugars and fibres your body can't break down, but your gut bacteria can, and they make gas while they do it. Beans are famous for exactly this.
None of these are bad for you. Lots of them are very good for you. A bit of gas is just a sign your gut bacteria are busy.
English speakers were already calling it "wind". "Fart" has been around for more than 900 years, and "trump" for 700.
The famous writer Saint Augustine wrote about people who could make musical sounds from their bottoms whenever they liked.
Le Pétomane, a French entertainer, became a star by doing impressions with nothing but his bottom. His stage name means "the Fartomaniac".
Kids were already playing a fart game called "Touch Wood". Later known as "Safety", it's still played in playgrounds today.
The whoopee cushion is invented. Grandparents everywhere have been sitting on them ever since.
An inventor won an Ig Nobel Prize (a joke science prize) for underwear with a charcoal filter to trap the smell.
Cows do make lots of methane, but about 90–95% of it comes out of the front end, as burps and breath!
Only some people's guts have the microbes that make it. Everybody makes hydrogen and carbon dioxide, though.
They do. Scientists have even tested charcoal on dogs to make their farts less smelly. Sorry, Biscuit.
Over 99% of a fart has no smell at all. The whole pong comes from a teeny amount of sulfur gases, less than 1%.
You know the science. Time to put it to work.
Facts from Wikipedia's article on Flatulence and the studies it cites. This page is for fun, not medical advice.
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