Dad

The history

Dad was the high school mascot for the Fighting Cheddars, a fact he brings up roughly once a week. He has worn the same hoodie since then, and it has been washed, by his estimate, "plenty of times".

He has a joke for every occasion and most of them are about farts. He has offered his finger to every child he has ever met, and several adults. Investigators strongly advise against pulling the finger.

Dad blames the chair, the sofa, the car seat and, on one occasion, a duck. He has never once blamed himself, even when he was the only person in the car.